Ephesians 6:4 Biblical Parenting

by | Jun 21, 2023 | Ephesians, New Testament

There are many opinions about how to raise children.
● Don’t force kids to believe what the parents believe. Kids must be free to make their own
● Be very strict and careful about letting your kids see or hear anything that might be contrary to
what is right.
● Never discipline your children. You will crush their spirits and inhibit them from becoming all
that they can be.
● Discipline your children and be firm with them.
● Let your children come to their own conclusions about life and God.
● Teach your children about life and God.
● Send your children to public school and let them learn how to face the world.
● Home school your children and protect them until they are old enough to face the world.
The Christian must always keep in mind that their final authority is the Bible.
There are surely some good ideas that are not strictly biblical.
But there are no good ideas if they are in contradiction to the Bible.
I believe that is what the Christian must believe.
We should not embrace any idea about child discipline that contradicts the teachings of the Bible.
Some parents neglect training & admonishing their children because they had overbearing
Other parents go overboard on training and admonishing their children.
The Bible tells us to be led by the Holy Spirit in our parenting and avoid reacting to externals.
The opposite of WRONG discipline isn’t NO discipline
The opposite of WRONG discipline is RIGHT discipline

I. General Thoughts On Raising Children

1. Proverbs 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
2. Proverbs 23:13 Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.
3. Proverbs 23:14 You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell.
4. Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.
5. Proverbs 29:15 The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
6. Ephesians 6:4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath.
7. Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children. NIV
8. Ephesians 6:4 Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and
resentful. TLB
9. Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
10. Colossians 3:21 Fathers, don’t scold your children so much that they become discouraged
and quit trying. TLB

II. The Spirit Led Parent

A. What Spirit Led Parents Should Not Do V. 4a

4aAnd you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath…

1. Parorgidzo- to anger alongside, that is, enrage: – anger, provoke to wrath.
2. Orgizo- (root word) to provoke or enrage, that is, (passively) become exasperated.
3. It is the idea that the child isn’t the one that exasperates himself, but it is the parent that provokes the child to wrath. It is done to the child.
4. It doesn’t mean that parents should avoid doing things that might anger their children.

a. That would mean that rules are determined by the child’s willingness to comply.
b. That would mean avoiding responsibility because of the consequences.

5. Discipline might anger a child, and anger might be the result of proper discipline.
6. Parents should not purposefully enrage their children.

a. Parents know how to provoke or enrage their children.
b. They know how to push buttons, use derogatory nicknames, etc.

7. But anger can also be the result of a parent’s purposed goal of enraging that child.

a. Purposely doing and saying things that you know will make them mad, for the purpose of making them mad.

8. “The gospel introduced a fresh element into parental responsibility by insisting that the feelings of the child must be taken into consideration. In a society where the father’s authority was absolute, this represented a revolutionary concept.” (Wood)
9. “When you are disciplining a child, you should have first controlled yourself . . . What right have you to say to your child that he needs discipline when you obviously need it yourself?” (D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones)
10. One action is responsible leadership; the other is an abuse of leadership.

B. What Spirit Led Parents Should Do V. 4b

4b but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord

1. ektrephō- ek-tref’-o– to rear up to maturity, that is, (generally) to cherish or train: – bring up, nourish, to fatten with food.

a. Parents need to understand their responsibility to proactively nourish their children in the ways of God.
b. The children should not be left to nourish themselves.
c. This changes as the child gets older, but parents are to be actively involved.

2. Training- tutorage, that is, education or training; by implication disciplinary correction: – chastening, chastisement, instruction, nurture.

a. 2 Timothy 3:16, 17 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction (training) in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
b. This word is the same as chastening found in Hebrews 12:5-11
c. Training/chastening is by its very nature, unpleasant to the recipient, but important.
d. Training a child prepares him/her for life. This is the responsibility of the parents.
e. Parents should not avoid it simply because their children don’t like it and object.

1. Admonition-calling attention to, that is, (by implication) mild rebuke or warning.

a. 1 Corinthians 10:11 Now all these things happened to them as examples, and they were written for our admonition…

2. What kind of parents is he talking about? What is needed?

a. Christian parents. Saved. Born again.
b. Spirit filled parents who surrender to and obey God. Ephesians 5:18

3. Practically- parents, here are some practical things you can do.

a. Read the Bible with your kids, maybe a children’s Bible if needed.
b. Pray with your kids. Also, talk to and with your kids.
c. Be active at church. With younger kids, check their class work, crafts, etc.
d. Ask Middle school & High School kids what they are learning.
e. Volunteer to sit in their class at church, help out, let them see you involved.
f. Be an example in all areas of life. Home, church, vacation, community, etc